Taken from a Homily given at All-school Mass
You will become like your friends. Your friends will determine who you will become. To those of you in middle school, what I am about to say may be the most important advice you will hear for the next six years of your life: Who you spend time with will shape who you become.
Basketball players spend time with other basketball players because they improve by playing together. Chess players compete with other chess players because it helps them reach a higher level of skill. Musicians collaborate because music inspires them, and through shared practice they become better musicians.
Now, consider two people standing on a chair. The “chair” represents “that which” friends share. If I were to remove the chair the two people would stand on, then “that which” connects them would cease. So it is with friendship. When the foundation of a friendship changes, the friendship itself changes.
Do you see the point? Let’s say the chair represents art. Art is “that which” the two share. Their friendship depends on sharing art together. But what if one were to develop a passion for playing guitar? “That which” their relationship was founded upon would change, and, therefore, the way they relate would necessarily change. If art truly was the thing their friendship was founded on, then that friendship would end when one person quit doing art.
The Influence of Friends
You will become like your friends. To make this more simple: if you share good things, you will become good. If, however, you share bad things, you will become bad. If you surround yourself with people who pursue goodness, you will be drawn toward goodness. But if one of you begins doing what is wrong, your friendship will tempt you to do wrong too.
Some people choose their friends based on rebellion. If your friends lie, steal, and cheat, you will be influenced to do the same. “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’” (1 Corinthians 15:33, NABRE). If you spend time with people who disregard rules, you will start disregarding them, too. If you hang out with those who engage in inappropriate behavior online, you will be influenced by them. If you spend time with trash-talkers, you will become one. If your friends bully or gossip about others, you will inevitably do the same. And, worse, if the foundation of a friendship is built on dishonesty, theft, addiction, underage drinking, or drugs, it will lead you to do the same.
The Power of Virtue
Friendship is built on what you share. Sports, or other extracurricular activities, are good to share. Why? Because they teach virtue. First, obedience to a coach—no athlete succeeds without it. Second, hard work—pushing through challenges. Third, resilience—learning how to recover from defeat. Fourth, teamwork—working with others toward a goal. And, fifth, graciousness in victory—winning with humility. But, be aware of this, if your friendships are based solely on sports, they will end when the season ends. If your friendships are built on band, they will fade when band is over.
True, lasting friendships are built on things that endure. Instead of merely sharing an interest—like basketball, band, chess, or math—what if you shared the virtues behind them? Hard work, dedication, discipline, and perseverance—these qualities last beyond any single activity. If you surround yourself with people striving to become good men and women, your friendships will have lasting value.
Yet, even still, virtues must be directed toward something greater, more lasting. Virtue itself is directed toward an end. The more lasting “that which” you share is, the more lasting will be the friendship which is based on it.
And so, this is my main point: the only foundation that truly lasts is God Himself. Jesus Christ entered human history and said, “I have called you friends” (John 15:15, NABRE). He is eternal. His love, revealed through the Father and the Holy Spirit, is everlasting. If the foundation of your friendship is faith, your friendship will never fade. “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away” (Matthew 24:35, NABRE).
Today’s Gospel was about marriage. Guess what: a marriage will only be as strong as the thing the couple shares. A strong marriage, like a strong friendship, depends on what it is built upon. One day, if God calls you to marriage, your spouse will shape who you become. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31, NABRE). You must build your marriage on something permanent—Jesus Christ. As one saying goes, “do not hang your hat on a hook that can’t bear the weight.” This means that if spouses solely rely on one another, then they are relying on a person who is fallible like themselves. However, if spouses, looking together, hand-in-hand to the Lord, rely on him… their marriage is based on the “one thing necessary” (Luke 10:42). So too with the Eucharist. The Eucharist, which we receive, is Christ’s flesh forever. If God calls you to marriage, your relationship must be built on faith, or it will rest on a shaky foundation. But if your marriage is rooted in Christ, it will be strong and lasting.
Every word I have spoken today can be summed up in one simple truth: You will become like your friends. Choose your friends wisely. If you surround yourself with those who do what is wrong, you will follow their path. If you surround yourself with those who do what is good, you will grow in goodness. And if you surround yourself with disciples of Jesus Christ, your friendships will endure forever.
You will become like your friends.
Father. Jarrod Lies, Paster