There is an interesting line in this Gospel. It says the disciples worshiped, but they doubted. They worshiped, but they doubted. Doesn’t that seem contradicting? Because if we are worshiping something, presumably we believe that which we are worshiping wholeheartedly.
The second thing I find interesting is the humanity of Scripture. Scripture presents human beings, especially the apostles, as very imperfect. They don’t have it all together. And in all honesty, that is very comforting to me, because the people who were closest to Jesus, who were there every single day with Him, believed, but they still doubted.
That should give us some consolation. It gives me consolation for sure, because it taps into that dynamic many of us have. We believe in God wholeheartedly, but sometimes we have doubts. Sometimes we are confused.
The disciples believed that Jesus was the Messiah, but they still had that inclination that Jesus was there to fix everything on earth as it was. But we know now that is not what He was doing, because He ascended back into heaven. After His death, the apostles lost a sort of hope. Then He rose from the dead. And very quickly afterward, He says, “Well, I’m going to leave again.” So the apostles were left feeling, “We don’t really know exactly what we’re supposed to believe.”
Remember Jesus says to Thomas, “Where I am going you know the way.” And Thomas questioned, as we all do. Thomas replied , “We don’t know where you’re going, Jesus. How can we know the way?” And Jesus answers, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”
It can seem, when we read Scripture, that Jesus answers questions obscurely. But I think with the Lord, what is happening is that He knows we cannot understand everything. How can God explain to His creation how it is all going to work? Even when He explains some of it and we start to learn more and more, we question more and more. It is really understanding that the finite cannot understand the infinite.
So what the Lord focuses on is trust. The answer of “I am the way, the truth, and the life” is: trust Me. In their doubts, the Lord says, “I will be with you always.”
In my experience, what has most impacted me in my life, not only in my priesthood, is far more than the knowledge I received in seminary or the priesthood. It is what I have gained in faith. And what I have gained in faith is given to me most when I experience those who trust in God, even in their doubt, confusion, suffering, difficulty, and pain.
In those times, it is very natural, very human, to doubt. It is very human to question things and wonder, “Where is God in all of this?” I think about people in my life, such as my mother and my grandmothers, who always trust. And I want that. I desire that.
God becomes man in His Son, Jesus Christ. He takes on our human nature, uniting our human nature to divine nature. He lives among us. He dies on the cross. He resurrects and ascends into heaven. Therefore, He takes our human nature to heaven.
For all eternity, Jesus Christ our Savior remains God and man. That is the dignity we are called to share in and be in union with. Jesus says, “I will create that union in you.” He does this through grace.
It is the life of grace. Baptism. Reconciliation. Eucharist. Confirmation. Marriage. Ordination. It is all about remaining in this unity between God and us, that He remains in our souls.
So when you look at your life, your failures, your sufferings, and wonder, “What is God’s plan for me? Is God even here?” I know what He wants to do: make something greater out of you than you could ever imagine yourself.
That is how God works. That is why we are called to trust in Him. It may be a mystery to us, and it probably should be. But it is not a mystery to God. He knows. He may not show us completely on this side of heaven, because He wants us to trust in Him. That trust is even more important than knowledge and even more important than trying to understand or control everything in our life.
Fr. James Schibi, Pastor