The meaning of the Gospel, Matthew 18:21–35, is pretty obvious: forgiveness.
One of the things I focus on in confession, no matter what other sin someone may bring, is any resistance towards forgiveness because it can become a great block to God’s grace.
To begin, think of a way you have been deeply wounded. Think about the person who hurt you, what happened, and how it made you feel. It may not be the most comfortable way to begin, but it helps us understand what forgiveness really asks of us.
First, forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. Forgiveness is not the same as saying, “Everything is fine,” or returning to the exact relationship you had before. Reconciliation restores a broken relationship, and ideally, we desire that restoration—especially with those we love.
But reconciliation is not always possible, healthy, or wise. There may be people in our lives who are toxic or abusive, and maintaining a close relationship with them may not be good for us physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Even in those situations, however, Jesus still commands us to forgive.
Another misconception is, “I don’t want to forgive them because they haven’t apologized. They haven’t admitted what they did. They don’t even think they did anything wrong.”
But forgiveness is not ultimately about what the other person does. Forgiveness is something we do because of what unforgiveness does to us.
In the Gospel, Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive?” Jesus answers, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Seven represents completeness. In other words, we are always called to forgive.
Jesus knows what resentment does to the soul. Hurt can become anger. Anger can become resentment. We replay the offense again and again, allowing that person to occupy space in our hearts and minds long after the original wound occurred. Meanwhile, the other person may not even realize what is happening.
Who, then, continues to suffer?
Forgiveness does not mean that what happened did not matter. It does not mean the pain was not real. It does not mean there should be no justice or consequences. Forgiveness means that we stop allowing what someone did to continue having power over us.
In a sense, forgiveness is an act of unbinding. We unbind ourselves from the person who hurt us. We unbind ourselves from the resentment that blocks God’s grace. We let go of the need to punish them or make them pay. And in doing so, we become free.
Jesus illustrates this through the servant who is forgiven an enormous debt—something he could never possibly repay—yet refuses to show even a fraction of that mercy to someone else.
We, too, have been forgiven a debt we could never repay. Christ paid it for us on the Cross. At every Mass we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
If we desire God’s mercy, we must become people willing to give mercy.
So bring that resentment to the Lord. Bring Him the person you cannot stop thinking about and the offense you continue to replay.
Let it go.
Not because it didn’t matter, but because you refuse to let it continue controlling you. Unbind yourself. Unburden yourself. And as you begin to let go, God’s grace can finally begin to heal the wound.
Father James Schibi, Pastor